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1. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part III. Chapter VII

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2. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part II. Chapter III

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3. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part I. Chapter VI

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4. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part II. Chapter VIII

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5. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part I. Chapter X

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6. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part III. Chapter XI

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7. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part III. Chapter VI

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8. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part I. Chapter V

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9. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part III. Chapter I

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10. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part I. Chapter III

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11. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part II. Chapter VI

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12. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part I. Chapter VIII

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13. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part III. Chapter IX

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14. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part III. Chapter IV

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15. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part II. Chapter V

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16. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part II. Chapter IX

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17. Dostoevsky. The Brothers Karamazov (English. Братья Карамазовы). Part II. Book VI. The Russian Monk. Chapter 2. Recollections of Father Zossima"s Youth before he became a Monk. The Duel

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18. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part III. Chapter II

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19. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part II. Chapter IV

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20. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part III. Chapter III

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21. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part II. Chapter VII

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22. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part III. Chapter V

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23. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part I. Chapter IV

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24. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part II. Chapter I

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25. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part III. Chapter X

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26. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part I. Chapter II

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27. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part I. Chapter IX

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28. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part III. Chapter XII

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29. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part I. Chapter VII

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30. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part III. Chapter VIII

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31. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part III. Chapter XIII

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32. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part II. Chapter II

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33. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток)

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1. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part III. Chapter VII

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Часть текста: momentous one. And really one is forced to believe in predestination: I had not gone a hundred steps in the direction of mother's lodging when I came across the man I was looking for. He clutched me by the shoulder and stopped me. "It's you!" he cried joyfully, and at the same time with the greatest astonishment. "Only fancy, I've been at your lodgings," he began quickly, "I have been looking for you, I've been asking for you, you are the one person I want in the whole universe! Your landlord told me some extraordinary tale; but you weren't there, and I came away and even forgot to tell him to ask you to run round to me at once, and, would you believe it, I set off, nevertheless, with the positive conviction that fate could not fail to send you to me now when most I need you, and here you are the first person to meet me! Come home with me: you've never been to my rooms." In fact we had been looking for each other, and something of the same sort had happened to each of us. We walked very rapidly. On the way he uttered only a few brief phrases, telling me he had left mother with Tatyana Pavlovna and so on. He walked holding my arm. His lodging was not far off and we soon arrived. I had, in fact, never been in these rooms of his. It was a small flat of three rooms, which he had taken or rather Tatyana Pavlovna had taken simply for that "tiny baby." The flat had always been under Tatyana Pavlovna's supervision, and in it had been installed a nurse with the baby (and now Darya Onisimovna, too), but there had always been a room there for Versilov, the outermost of the three, a fairly good and spacious room, snugly furnished, like a study for literary pursuits. On the table, on the shelves, and on a whatnot there were numbers of books (while at mother's there were none at all); there were manuscripts and bundles of letters--in fact, it all looked snug and as ...

2. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part II. Chapter III

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Часть текста: And so I really took it, not because I was in desperate straits, but from delicacy, not to hurt his feelings. Alas, that was how I reasoned at the time! But yet my heart was very heavy as I went out from him. I had seen that morning an extraordinary change in his attitude to me; he had never taken such a tone before, and, as regards Versilov, it was a case of positive mutiny. Stebelkov had no doubt annoyed him very much that morning, but he had begun to be the same before seeing Stebelkov. I repeat once more; the change from his original manner might indeed have been noticed for some days past, but not in the same way, not in the same degree, that was the point. The stupid gossip about that major, Baron Buring, might have some effect on him. . . . I too had been disturbed by it, but. . . the fact is, I had something else in my heart at that time that shone so resplendent that I heedlessly let many things pass unnoticed, made haste to let them pass, to get rid of them, and to go back to that resplendence. . . . It was not yet one o'clock. From Prince Sergay's I drove with my Matvey straight off to--it will hardly be believed to...

3. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part I. Chapter VI

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Часть текста: find them alone though Versilov was not at home, Tatyana Pavlovna was sitting with my mother, and she was, after all, not one of the family. Fully half of my magnanimous feelings disappeared instantly. It is wonderful how hasty and changeable I am; in such cases a straw, a grain of sand is enough to dissipate my good mood and replace it by a bad one. My bad impressions, I regret to say, are not so quickly dispelled, though I am not resentful. . . . When I went in, I had a feeling that my mother immediately and hastily broke off what she was saying to Tatyana Pavlovna; I fancied they were talking very eagerly. My sister turned from her work only for a moment to look at me and did not come out of her little alcove again. The flat consisted of three rooms. The room in which we usually sat, the middle room or drawing-room, was fairly large and almost presentable. In it were soft, red armchairs and a sofa, very much the worse for wear, however (Versilov could not endure covers on furniture); there were rugs of a sort and several tables, including some useless little ones. On the right was Versilov's room, cramped and narrow with one window; it was furnished with a...

4. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part II. Chapter VIII

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Часть текста: the mere recollection of it. That success had put me in a fever; could it be that I was a gambler, or at least--to be more accurate--that I had the qualities of a gambler? Even now, at the time of writing this, I still at moments like thinking about play! It sometimes happens that I sit for hours together absorbed in silent calculations about gambling and in dreams of putting down my stake, of the number turning up, and of picking up my winnings. Yes, I have all sorts of "qualities," and my nature is not a tranquil one. At ten o'clock I intended to go to Stebelkov's and I meant to walk. I sent Matvey home as soon as he appeared. While I was drinking my coffee I tried to think over the position. For some reason I felt pleased; a moment's self-analysis made me realize that I was chiefly pleased because I was going that day to the old prince's. But that day was a momentous and startling one in my life, and it began at once with a surprise. At ten o'clock my door was flung wide open, and Tatyana Pavlovna flew in. There was nothing I expected less than a visit from her, and I jumped up in alarm on seeing her. Her face was ferocious, her manner was incoherent, and I daresay if she had been asked she could not have said why she had hastened to me. I may as well say at once, that she had just received a piece of news that had completely overwhelmed her, and she had not recovered from the first shock of it. The news overwhelmed me, too. She stayed, however, only half a minute, or perhaps a minute, but not more. She simply pounced upon me. "So this ...

5. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part I. Chapter X

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Часть текста: woman away. Vassin gave me his hand, while Versilov sank into an armchair without saying a word to me. Mother and he had evidently been here for some time. His face looked overcast and careworn. "What I regret most of all," he began saying slowly to Vassin, evidently in continuation of what they had been discussing outside, "is that I had no time to set it all right yesterday evening; then probably this terrible thing would not have happened! And indeed there was time, it was hardly eight o'clock. As soon as she ran away from us last night, I inwardly resolved to follow her and to reassure her, but this unforeseen and urgent business, though of course I might quite well have put it off till to-day. . . or even for a week--this vexatious turn of affairs has hindered and ruined everything. That's just how things do happen!" "Perhaps you would not have succeeded in reassuring her; things had gone too far already, apart from you," Vassin put in. "No, I should have succeeded, I certainly should have succeeded. And the idea did occur to me to send Sofia Andreyevna in my place. It flashed across my mind, but nothing more. Sofia Andreyevna alone would have convinced her, and the unhappy girl would have been alive. No, never again will I meddle. . . in 'good works'. . . and it is the only time in my life I have done it! And I imagined that I had kept up with the times and understood the younger generation. But we elders grow old almost before we grow ripe. And, by the way, there are a terrible number of modern people who go on considering themselves the younger generation from habit, because only yesterday they were such, and meantime they don't notice that they are no longer under the ban of the orthodox." "There has been a misunderstanding, and the misunderstanding is quite evident," Vassin observed reasonably. "Her mother maintains that after the cruel way she was insulted in that...

6. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part III. Chapter XI

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Часть текста: of course. I positively scared Alphonsine and him for the first minute. I have always noticed that even the most profligate, most degraded Frenchmen are in their domestic life extremely given to a sort of bourgeois routine, a sort of very prosaic daily ceremonial of life established once and for ever. Lambert quickly realised, however, that something had happened, and was delighted that I had come to him at last, and that I was IN HIS CLUTCHES. He had been thinking of nothing else day and night! Oh, how badly he needed me! And behold now, when he had lost all hope, I had suddenly appeared of my own accord, and in such a frantic state--just in the state which suited him. "Lambert, wine!" I cried: "let's drink, let's have a jolly time. Alphonsine, where's your guitar?" I won't describe the scene, it's unnecessary. We drank, and I told him all about it, everything. He listened greedily. I openly of my own accord suggested a plot, a general flare-up. To begin with, we were by letter to ask Katerina Nikolaevna to come to us. . . . "That's possible," Lambert assented, gloating over every word I said. Secondly, we must send a copy of the "document" in full, that she might see at once that she was not being deceived. "That's right, that's what we must do!" Lambert agreed, continually exchanging glances with Alphonsine. Thirdly, Lambert must ask her to come, writing as though he were an unknown person and had just arrived from Moscow, and I must bring Versilov. "And we might have Versilov, too," Lambert assented. "Not might, but must!" I cried. "It's essential! It's for his sake it's all being done!" I explained, taking one sip after another from my glass. (We were all three drinking,...

7. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part III. Chapter VI

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Часть текста: me about now as you used to do at Touchard's, while you are cringing upon everybody here." "You fool! Aie, let's clink glasses." "You don't even deign to keep up appearances with me: you might at least disguise the fact that you want to make me drunk." "You are talking rot and you're drunk. You must drink some more, and you'll be more cheerful. Take your glass, take it!" "Why do you keep on 'take it'? I am going and that's the end of it." And I really did get up. He was awfully vexed: "It was Trishatov whispered that to you: I saw you whispering. You are a fool for that. Alphonsine is really disgusted if he goes near her. . . . He's a dirty beast, I'll tell you what he's like." "You've told me already. You can talk of nothing but your Alphonsine, you're frightfully limited." "Limited?" he did not understand. "They've gone over now to that pock-marked fellow. That's what it is! That's why I sent them about their business. They're dishonest. That fellow's a blackguard and he's corrupting them. I insisted that they should always behave decently." I sat still and as it were mechanically took my glass and drank a draught. "I'm ever so far ahead of you in education," I...

8. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part I. Chapter V

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Часть текста: OBSTINACY and PERSEVERANCE. "We have heard that; it's nothing new," people will tell me. Every "vater," in Germany repeats this to his children, and meanwhile your Rothschild (James Rothschild the Parisian, is the one I mean) is unique while there are millions of such "vaters." I should answer: "You assert that you've heard it, but you've heard nothing. It's true that you're right about one thing. When I said that this was 'very simple,' I forgot to add that it is most difficult. All the religions and the moralities of the world amount to one thing: 'Love virtue and avoid vice. ' One would think nothing could be simpler. But just try doing something virtuous and giving up any one of your vices; just try it. It's the same with this. "That's why your innumerable German 'vaters' may, for ages past reckoning, have repeated those two wonderful words which contain the whole secret, and, meanwhile, Rothschild remains unique. It shows it's the same but not the same, and these 'vaters' don't repeat the same idea. "No doubt they too have heard of obstinacy and perseverance, but to attain my object what I need is not these German 'vaters' ' obstinacy or these 'vaters' ' perseverance." "The mere fact that he is a 'vater'--I don't mean only the Germans--that he has a family, that he is living like other people, has expenses like other people, has obligations like other people, means that he can't become a Rothschild, but must remain an average man. I understand quite clearly that in becoming a Rothschild, or merely desiring to become one, not in the German 'vaters'' way but seriously, I must at the same time cut myself off from society." Some years ago I read in the newspaper that on one of the steamers on the Volga there died a beggar who went about begging in ...

9. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part III. Chapter I

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Часть текста: I give ground for supposing that I am still the same as I was. The reader will remember, however, that I have exclaimed more than once, "Oh, if one could only change the past and begin all over again!" I could not have uttered that exclamation if I were not radically changed and had not become an entirely different man now; that is quite evident. And no one can imagine how sick I am of these apologies and prefaces, which I am continually forced to squeeze into the very middle of my narrative! To return. After nine days' unconsciousness I came to myself, regenerated but not reformed; my regeneration was a stupid one, however, of course, if the word is taken in the wide sense, and perhaps if it had happened now it would have been different. The idea, or rather the feeling, that possessed me was, as it had been a thousand times before, the desire to get away altogether, but this time I meant to go away, not as in the past, when I had so often considered the project and been incapable of carrying it out. I didn't want to revenge myself on anyone, and I give my word of honour that I did not, though I had been insulted by all of them. I meant to go away without loathing, without cursing, and never to return, but I wanted to do this by my own...

10. Dostoevsky. A Raw Youth (English. Подросток). Part I. Chapter III

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Часть текста: for long afterwards, that Versilov held her fate in his hands and could ruin her at once if he wanted to, by means of a certain document; she suspected that, anyway. It was a duel to the death. And yet--I was not offended! It was an insult, but I did not feel it. How should I? I was positively glad of it; though I had come here to hate her I felt I was beginning to love her. I don't know whether the spider perhaps does not hate the fly he has marked and is snaring. Dear little fly! It seems to me that the victim is loved, or at least may be loved. Here I love my enemy; I am delighted, for instance, that she is so beautiful. I am delighted, madam, that you are so haughty and majestic. If you were meeker it would not be so delightful. You have spat on me-- and I am triumphant. If you were literally to spit in my face I should really not be angry because you--are my victim; MINE and not HIS. How fascinating was that idea! Yes, the secret consciousness of power is more insupportably delightful than open domination. If I were a millionaire I believe I...